VARIATIONS

ON A

THEME

Recently, I considered including in a pantomime script, my own version of the comedy routine from the film ‘The Court Jester’ (1956), where Danny Kaye, an ex- carnival performer, Hubert Hawkins, posing as Sir Giacomo of Italy, is about to fight Sir Griswold of Mackalwane (Robert Middleton), in mortal combat, until one of them lies dead. Jean (Glynis Johns) and Griselda (Mildred Natwick) plot his escape. It begins…

Griselda: Listen. I have put a pellet of poison in one of the vessels.

Hawkins: Which one?

Griselda: The one with the figure of a pestle.

Hawkins: The vessel with the pestle?

Griselda: Yes. But you don't want the vessel with the pestle, you want the chalice from the palace!

See it on - youtu.be/N4ni2FxH7v8

Then, I thought… “Nix!” Even though the words would be changed, the concept would be the same, and there might be suggestions of swiping. However, whilst I was searching t’Internet for the actual dialogue, I came across reference to an earlier version of the routine, featured in the 1938 film, "Never Say Die," starring Bob Hope. ‘Old Ski Nose’ plays the role of multi-millionaire hypochondriac John Kidley who, whilst spending time at a health spa in Switzerland, meets Mickey Hawkins (Martha Raye), a Texas heiress, whose father has promised her hand to the fortune hunting Prince Smirnow (Alan Mowbray).

It’s pistols at dawn, as Hope is unwillingly drawn into a duel with the Prince. Mickey tries to even the odds, and the routine starts with the man who loads the weapons (Victor Kilian), telling her…

“All you gotta do is tell him this… there's a cross on the muzzle of the pistol with the bullet, and a nick on the handle of the pistol with a blank."

See it on - youtu.be/FhOEh6lUhLg

Amazingly, the name ‘Hawkins’ is used in both routines!

Lo and behold, a little while after, I discovered that in the 1933 film, ‘Roman Scandals’, one of my favourite comedians, Eddie Cantor, included a brief version of the routine. I had watched this some years ago, but it didn’t register at the time. The plot involves Eddie being “transported” back to ancient Rome, where he becomes involved in a plot against the Emperor Valerius (Edward Arnold), orchestrated by his scheming wife Agrippa (Verree Teasdale}, who is continually trying to poison him. Eddie is made Valerius' new food taster when the old one succumbs to another of Agrippa's plots, and ‘Banjo Eyes’ has to deliver a dish supposedly comprising of two roast nightingales to the Emperor. The Empress advises him…

“You will take the one without the parsley, for the one without the parsley is the one with the poison.”

See it on - youtu.be/2-9Ly8rn_8U

Very recently, another example came forth… or should it be fourth? In the 1948 film, "A Southern Yankee”, set during the American Civil War, Red Skelton plays a bumbling bellboy, by the name of Aubrey Filmore, who accidentally waylays an infamous Confederate spy known as "The Grey Spider" and is mistaken for him by the Rebels. The routine involves battle plans, and begins…

“The paper's in the pocket of the boot with the buckle. The map's in the packet in the pocket of the jacket. Understand?”

I couldn’t find it on You Tube, so you’ll have to take my word for it, although it is included amongst quotes from the film on IMDb. 

Rumour has it that the routine originated in Burlesque, and Eddie Cantor started his career in that branch of showbiz in 1908 at the Age of 16.

There is no such thing as a new idea. It is impossible. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope. We give them a turn and they make new and curious combinations. We keep on turning and making new combinations indefinitely; but they are the same old pieces of coloured glass that have been in use through all the ages.- Mark Twain, a Biography 

Incidentally, according to television lore, the original laughs for the TV laugh-track technology (‘canned laughter’), invented by Charles Rolland Douglass in the early 1950s, were stripped from an episode of "The Red Skelton Show," which was chosen because Skelton was performing in pantomime (that’s ‘mime’, not ‘panto’), providing a dialogue-free recording. Over the years, Douglass added more sounds. (ASSUMES MICHAEL CAINE VOICE) "Not a lot of people know that!"