GETTING ON

I have referred to having seen pantomime Dames making an entrance on a mobility scooter, and also a skateboard. It wasn’t funny, and… it wasn’t funny! Presumably someone thought these were novel ideas. They weren't!

Also, I have expressed my dislike of these leading 'ladies' making an entrance dressed as a dining table, a Christmas cake, a football stadium, or in any other outrageous costume.

So… how do you make that all-important giant step for damekind? Let me count the ways…

You could make it fast or slow, silly or stately, dramatic or daft… it all depends on the character. Ah! Now we’re getting somewhere!

1. Stately/regal... providing of course it suits the character, or if the character might be somewhat pretentious (surely not!). To prick the balloon, you could put a comedy trip in there somewhere (see below)
2. Prima donna... soaking up the adulation, even if there isn't any.
3. Facing the wrong way... i.e., upstage... followed by a turn, being slightly startled, then a nervous laugh.
4. Prepare to say the first line then do a double take and peer quizzically at audience, just for reassurance that there are people out there, and they don't appear to be hostile. It's a throwaway, so make it quick.
5. Enter miming talking back to wings as though there has been some problem. Then spot audience, give a slight shock reaction, and have a quick preen before starting the dialogue.
6. Comedy trip... could be included in a normal entrance, followed by a nervous laugh. Again, it's a throwaway, so don't milk it.
7. Nervous... perhaps the most difficult to do, since you will probably be nervous anyway, but it needs to be exaggerated, although not overdone.
8. Superstar... shades of the prima donna as above, but with glitz galore. Maybe finish with a dismissive wave when the audience response is not ecstatic.
9. Jolly/friendly... lots of bounce, waving to audience.
10. Dramatic... very purposeful, but probably best to include a slight pause, followed by a shrug of realisation that things aren't as dramatic as all that.
11. Conspiratorial... with slight beckoning to the audience and quick glances off stage, to draw the punters into your little world.
12. Creep on secretively... then when down centre stage stop, have a quick think about what you are actually doing there, give a quick dismissive "what the heck" wave, and go into your spiel normally.
    
13. If you must have transport how about a sedan chair or litter, which the dictionary describes as ‘an enclosed or curtained couch mounted on shafts and used to carry a single passenger’ or, more simply, ‘a light bed or seat held between parallel sticks’. You might decorate it, and have curtains attached, from which your dameness could appear, seductively even. Obviously you will have to build a sturdy prop, and find some strong lackeys to do the carrying.
    
    Any doubts... leave it out. Collapse of stout party would not be funny. Maybe there could be fabric on each side, scraping the floor, so that madam could actually walk, hidden from view, with the lackeys grimacing under the apparent weight of course. Then when the litter is lowered to the ground, she is revealed in all her glory. If two porters can manage it, then Mrs. Fanackapan could proclaim... "What a carry on, eh? It's the only way to travel... by sedan. (POINTS TO LACKEY #1) This is Sid… (POINTS TO LACKEY #2) and this is Dan!" It would even work with a foursome, indicating just the leading lackeys.

There you are... a free gag, courtesy of G. Wizz! Am I good to you or am I good to you? Answers on a postcard to:  76 Sydney Green Street, St. Tesco, Scilly Isles.

Whatever entrance you use, its should of course match the dialogue in the script. G. Wizz is not encouraging anyone to ad-lib... never has, and never will!

COMEDY TRIP

No... it's not a day out at Custard Pie Park in Prestatyn! It's a bit of funny physicality, which is easy to execute, but difficult to describe.

During a normal walk, the left foot goes forward. As the right foot follows, it is turned sideways, and the front part of the right foot is dragged quickly against the heel of the left foot.

This is followed by an exaggerated pitch forward. Practice so that it can be done smoothly, to give the impression that it’s an actual trip.

Don’t look down at your feet whilst doing it. It’s the pitch forward that makes it work – Newton's third law: ‘For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.’… or something like that.

I am very right-handed, perhaps if you are left-handed you might find it easier to strike the left foot with the right foot. Whichever way, try to make it look as natural as possible.

CROSS TALK

Here’s a joke:

“Did you take a bath?”

“Why, is there one missing?”

Horrible joke! Dean and I actually did that joke. And we made it work. Because we believed in it from the bottom of our hearts. Sometimes believing makes the difference. Jerry Lewis