SOUND ADVICE

In these technological times, professional theatre productions are incorporating live stage telepresence, 3D digital projection, laser effects and the like, to produce holographic genies and beanstalks that grow... before your very eyes (thank you, Big-hearted!). It’s all geek to me!

‘Cinderella’ is generally regarded as the most popular pantomime. In the professional theatre they can do justice to the transformation scene, with lots of effects. The coach can have real ponies, and be part of a massive production number with the stage full of singers and dancers, perhaps with snow falling or whatever. Likewise, the ballroom scene can be very impressive with a wide staircase at the back, ideal for the slipper business. In other words, these productions major on effect, to create what is described in the pre-show publicity as ‘the true magic of pantomime’. 

Amateurs can’t get close to this with a cut-out, wobbly, painted hardboard coach which, if they are lucky, two dancers pretending to be horses, may actually manage to get in motion for a few feet before the thing collapses or a wheel drops off. As for the ballroom scene… well, some silver slash and a column or two will probably have to suffice. How can the small potatoes panto groups compete with that? The simple answer is… they can’t, at least not directly.  

One way round that is… think small. If you've got a pint-sized playhouse you may lose out on grandeur, but you gain on intimacy... that is, having your audience closer to the stage... and this means that one area where you can go to town is sound effects, some of which can probably be done live, and still be heard by all the audience.

The slide whistle or Swanee whistle (see left) produces a rising or falling tone, which is heard in an animated cartoon when one of the characters falls over a cliff. When, after landing, he sits reeling, cross-eyed, we see birds flying in a tight circle around his head, to the accompaniment of a bird warbler (see right). This a small plastic device, similar to an enclosed smoker’s pipe. It usually has the shape of a bird on top. The reservoir is filled with water, and when one blows down the tube, the device produces a ‘bubbly’ warbling sound. They are available from novelty and joke shops.

We can’t possibly match the visual tricks that the animator has up his sleeve, but we can quite easily use ‘silly sound effects’ to enhance the action on stage.

A plastic duck call (see left) can be used to 'punch' corny jokes, or silly bits of business. The website - sciencebob.com/make-a-simple-duck-call/ - has instructions on how to create a home-made version from a plastic straw. It takes a little bit of practice to get the right sound, but it's fun trying, and you'll be chuffed to conkers if you manage to master it.

A simple tin whistle (see right), also called the penny whistle, English flageolet, Scottish penny whistle, tin flageolet, Irish whistle, Belfast Hornpipe, feadóg stáin, or simply feadóg... gosh... could also be used to enhance miscellaneous moments in a pantomime. I have one in the key of D. If you blow an F followed by a D this imitates a cuckoo, and the sound can be used in a similar way to the duck call.

Long or short blasts from the bog-standard bike horn (see left) can add humorous punctuation to comic dialogue or action. Multiple blasts could be used in certain circumstances... e.g. geese flying overhead (I've gotta work that into a script!).

A xylophone (see right) can be be used for magic appearances, and when a fairy waves her wand. Best to use a small 'toy' version, with metal 'keys' as illustrated, because the operator can quickly and easily run the hammer along the scale to produce a very 'zingy' sound, which has a magical resonance.

Plastic siren whistles (see left), when blown, produce a sound that enhances the 'magical' disapperance of people or objects.

The good old-fashioned football rattle (see right) can be turned slowly to provide a wonderful sound for creaking joints, which are, as we all know, often experienced by the pantomime Dame. It also serves to create a noise for some most likely malfunctioning gizmo or piece of machinery.

You don't need to wait for Christmas for the 'jingle bells' as the percussion instrument  illustrated left can be used at any time perhaps for magical effects, including the appearance of a supernatural being. You could also give it a few shakes when someone such as the 'Silly Billy' character clears his head after some 'traumatic' experience'.


Illustrated right is a device known, in polite circles, as a 'razz whistle'. The word 'razz' being a shortened and altered variant of the word raspberry'.  Blowing a 'raspberry', or making a 'Bronx cheer', is to produce a noise that may signify derision. It is made by placing the tongue between the lips and blowing to produce a sound similar to flatulence.

Blowing a raspberry comes from the Cockney rhyming sland, "raspberry tart" ('nuff said) The term "Bronx cheer" is ironic because it is not a cheer. It is used to show disapproval. The term most likely originates from crowd behaviour at the stadium of the New York Yankees' baseball team located in the Bronx NY. Gosh, I'm a mineshaft of information! Don't use the razz whistle for the obvious, but it could punctuate corny jokes as an alternative to a duck call, or cuckoo sound.

 When I was a children's entertainer doing comedy magic I bought a groan tube (see left) and painted it black with white ends to look like a magic wand. When presening it to a helper from the audience I turned it over to make the noise. It was very popular. There must be opportunities to use it in lots of scripts.


The moo box (see right) produces a similar sound to the groan tube, and it could be used after a corny joke.

Obviously most of these devices will have to be amplified to get the best effect, but you should have some sort of P.A. sustem and a willing bod to take on the job. 

Sound effects could be a really novel feature of your productions, enhancing the experience for the punters by adding to the fun. Give it a go… “Don’t be fright!”*

*The catchphrase of Sirdani, (Sidney Daniels 1900-1982) a comedy magician, who actually presented magic on the radio, describing tricks to the listeners and encouraging them to try it for themselves. I kid you not!

HOW LONG?

I am often asked to give a running time for a particular script of mine. My answer is as follows:

All my pantomimes are what could be described as 'full length'. I try to write them so that they can be performed in around 2 hours, including a 15 minute interval. The format is to have the second half slightly shorter that the first half.

Of course, the running time can depend on a number of factors which are completely beyond my control.

Length of Overture.
The overture is not essential, although it can be a useful device for allowing a few moments for the audience to settle down. I went to see a production of my script for 'Aladdin' once, where a very competent musical quartet played an overture that lasted around five minutes. It was very well executed, but far too long.

The pace of playing.

I am of the opinion that pantomime ought to be played at a fast pace, wherever possible. It does actually lend itself to this approach, as lines can be delivered out front from a static stance (see below), and many of them can be proclaimed. This helps set up the lines that might benefit from a slower delivery for dramatic or comedic purposes.

One way to ensure that the pace is maintained is to insist that the actors are conversant with their lines, so that they can not only deliver them with pace, but pick up on cues quickly. This can of course, be very difficult to put into practice with amateur actors.

Moving around the stage without any real purpose can affect the pace of playing, and I am a firm believer that movement should be kept to a minimum. The Dame can assume an appropriate posture, and simply by adjusting the position of her arms, dominate the stage. Unfortunately, many amateur actors have 'hot feet' and find it very difficult to stand still on stage. My advice is, only move if there is a reason for it.

The golden rules are:

Play it big, out front.

Every move should have motivation.

Don't turn your back on the audience.

Smile.

Stand still as much as possible. This makes the comedy moves funnier.

The duration of the musical numbers.

Another of my beliefs is that musical numbers should be short and sweet. It does seem strange that the poorer the singing or dancing, the longer the musical numbers last – or does it just seem like that?

Ad-libbing.

Ad-libbing actors in pantomimes are my bêtes-noires. In Simon Louvish's excellent book, 'Monkey Business. The Lives And Legends Of The Marx Brothers' (Faber and Faber - 1999), the author writes, "... the grand old image persists: the Marx Brothers as complete lunatics, uncontrollable loons who did what they wanted on screen, to the despair of colleagues, crew and producers... but… the Marx Brothers were nothing if not professionals, paying the most serious attention to their craft, worrying endlessly about lines and gags, working to perfect their art, and then to disguise all that hard work, as all best artists do, under the veneer of spontaneous ease." If only!

Ad-libbing slows down a production and winds me up!

I am not against amateur actors by the way, I just happen to think that sometimes they use the fact that they are amateurs as an excuse for not doing something that they should be able to do, paid or not. Over the years, I have been in quite a few shows with some very talented amateur actors, and I have also appeared in productions with professional actors who acted more off stage than they did on.

CLASS ACT #15

Milton Berle (1908 – 2002) was an American comedian and actor. His career as an entertainer spanned over 80 years.

In 1914 he appeared in the film ‘Bunny’s Little Brother’, and took the stage on Broadway in 1920 as one of a baby sextette for a revival of the musical comedy, ‘Floradora. He later went into radio and television. As the host of NBC’s ‘Texaco Star Theatre’ (1948-55), he was the first major American television star and was known to millions of viewers as "Uncle Miltie" and "Mr. Television".

Many in the industry credited Berle with television's success in the U.S.A., because he was able to attract major sponsors. Some even felt he was responsible for selling television sets. Within one season the number of sets in the country increased from 500,000 to one million.

He pirated other comedians' material so shamelessly that he was dubbed "The Thief of Badgags". In his defence he stated that he “…never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they’re lost.”

He also said, “If you don’t have a directional point of view or a style, you’d better toss out what you’ve got and find yourself.”… good advice.

Also… “Funny is funny. Nothing’s old if you haven’t heard it before and nothing’s new if you have.” That’s my kind of quote!

The teeterboard routine is simple  and it's silly, but notice how the performers don't try and add their own contributions. Nobody wants to hog the show. When Mitlon Berle indicates that the 'sofa' should be relocated he does it with small movements of the hand, but there are so many small movements that the "sofa" ends up off the stage. Collapse of stout party! Subtleties can work in comedy.

HAPPY BEARTHDAY

The famous, fuzzy, and funny Sooty, turned 70 two days ago.

It all started when Harry Corbett bought a bear glove puppet on Blackpool's North Pier in 1948 to entertain his children, on a family holiday blighted by bloomin’ awful British weather.

Sooty became a star… and he still is. He has hardly been off the television screen, and he has appeared on stage too, in pantomimes and Christmas shows for decades. Long may he continue.

I saw Harry and Sooty at Dewsbury Town Hall, way back yesteryonder. They were funderful.

According to the BBC… who introduced Sooty to the television public in ‘Talent Night’ on Saturday 3 May, 1952… “Richard Cadell, who has been keeping Sooty in check since 1998, said it was "an amazing achievement that Sooty is so popular after 70 years". But for him, the "secret is absolutely the simplicity of it all - everybody knows The Sooty Show".”

Basil Brush came into being in 1962 and 2018 celebrates the 50th anniversary of the start of his Basil Brush Show. No… I am not going to say, “Boom… boom!” Ooops… I just did!

So you see… if it’s good it doesn’t date… Punch and Judy, Laurel and Hardy, The Marx Brothers, Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe, the Beatles…

CLASS ACT #14

Comedian and pie-throwing television personality Soupy Sales was born Milton Supman in Franklinton, N.C. on January 8, 1926, where his parents, Irving and Sadie Supman, owned a dry goods store. Neighbours pronounced his last name “Soupman,” so he called himself Soupy as a youngster. He took the name Soupy Sales in part from the old-time comic actor Chic Sale. 

He worked as a radio scriptwriter while moonlighting as a comedian, and eventually became a DJ and then a television personality.

His zany television routines turned a pie in the face into a madcap art form, Cavorting with his puppet sidekicks White Fang (The Biggest and Meanest Dog in the USA),  Black Tooth (the biggest and sweetest Dog in the USA) and Pookie the Lion, transforming himself into the private detective Philo Kvetch, and playing host to the ever-present “nut at the door,” Soupy Sales became a television favourite of youngsters and an anarchic comedy hero for teenagers, college students and many adults as well.

By his own count, some 20,000 pies were hurled at him or visitors to his TV shows in the 1950s and 60s. The victims included Frank Sinatra, Tony Curtis and Jerry Lewis, all of whom turned up just for the honour of being ‘creamed’.

He died in New York City on October 22, 2009, aged 83.

Interestingly… at least I think so… Soupy explained in his memoir, “Our shows were not actually written, but they were precisely thought out… but the greatest thing about the show, and I think the reason for its success, was that it seemed undisciplined. The more you can make a performance seem spontaneous, the better an entertainer you are.”

That’s tricky, but then… as they say in Somerset… “Frome wasn’t built in a day!”

The video above features Soupy playing draughts against White Fang, who is getting some advice from Black Tooth. Doggone! 

APEY NEW YEAR

...to all our reader!

Thank you for sticking with me through thick and thin, short and narrow, push and pull, Barnum and Bailey... and all stations to Todmorden!