WRITES AND WRONGS

From the website of an amateur theatre company…

“This year's offering is loosely based on (TITLE OF PANTOMIME) with the usual (NAME OF AMATEUR COMPANY) modifications.” 

You know who you are!

This title is a distinctive one, which as far as I know, is only available from Samuel French Ltd.

From Samuel French’s FAQs page…

“Can changes be made to scripts when they are being performed?
No changes of any kind may be made without the permission of the author and this is a condition of our licence. This includes changing the sex of characters and cutting out "bad" language. Some authors may agree to changes if a persuasive case is put in support of the request, but this is by no means always so.“

“with the usual modifications” indeed! It would appear that they are serial offenders.

Whadya say we all go round and re-arrange their furniture?

PRICING

What’s the highest ticket price you have come across for an amateur show? There is one coming up at a venue within about six miles of where I live, with a top price of £13.00!

I went to see their show a couple of years ago… someone bought me a ticket… and it wasn’t up to much.

ANIMAL CRACKERS

For the important animal roles in my pantomimes, such as Thomas the cat in ‘Dick Whittington’, the three bears, and Puss in the up-and-coming ‘Puss In Boots’ (watch this space!) etc., I always recommend face painting, rather than a full mask. Having the actor’s face visible helps with expressions, and allows him or her to create a character, even thought they may have no dialogue as such.

I suspect that when amateur societies present the musical ‘Cats’, they will use face paints, as per the original production. If it’s good enough for Andrew Lloyds Bank… !

A website devoted to musicals claims, when referring to 'Cats' ... it's the costume/ makeup and dynamic production concepts that hold everything together and make the show work.”

However, I recently happened upon some pictures of an amateur production of ‘Dick Whittington’ that featured the King Rat character dressed all in black, wearing a strange, pointed, full-head contrivance that made him look like a cross between a weird Womble, and someone about to dabble in the dark arts. The ‘cat’, which was sporting a macabre mask looked, if anything, even more sinister, and would have fitted in very well at the Hellfire Club, I reckon.

What are people thinking of when they use such ghastly get-ups? Don’t they know that pantomimes are supposed to be light and frothy and fun?

Personally, I would err on the side of making animal costumes as simple as possible, but then that might take a bit of creative thinking. My old art teacher once said that it’s not what you put into a picture, but what you leave out!

A company who presented my version of ‘Mother Goose’ asked me if I had any contacts for a good goose costume. Unfortunately I hadn’t, but I did a Google search to see if I could find some societies who had recently presented the show, and therefore might have one going cheap… or quack! Gerrit?

What a curious collection I came across… from the reblime to the subdiculous! Some were seriously scary! I suggested to the group that if they couldn’t find a sensible, suitable costume, keep it simple… and attractive. There might be a problem producing the golden eggs, but that shouldn’t be insurmountable… should it?

Let’s face it, however crafty and creative the costume, everyone knows that it’s not a real giant goose… don’t they?

A PLUG

My friends at Fabworks Mill Shop in Dewsbury have an amazing range of textiles and associated stuff that is ideal for theatrical use.

Their usual Opening hours are: Monday – Friday, 9am to 4pm.

You can contact them via e-mail at – sales@fabworks.co.uk

Tel: 01924 466031 Fax 01924 466029

Their website is – fabworks.co.uk

They are very friendly. Tell them G. Wizz sent ya!

ANOTHER GOOD IDEA, SON!

I came across this inflatable alien head and hands set recently, and though I haven’t tried it out, I reckon that it could possibly look impressive if it was combined with a morph suit. Providing you have an alien in your pantomime of course!

They are marketed by Air Hedz. Their range of giant inflatable headwear includes “wigs”, and hats.

Morph suits are available from morphsuits.co.uk, and a range of fancy dress suppliers.

THE WRITE STUFF

A current popular American television series, which I must confess I have never watched, apparently has 16 writers named, with the addition… “among others”!

In the words of Elmer Fudd, “That’s unbeweivable!”

16 or more people in my office, all at the same time! Boy, would we have to know each other very well!

When I see the closing credits of films crawl up the screen, with scores of people listed… one example has 10 Location Manager, 6 Location Accountants, 10 Additional Assistant Directors, a Special Effects Crew of 18, and 15 Modellers... not forgetting the Gaffer, Best Boy, Dolly Grip, Dialect Coach, Wrangler and whatever… I reckon I could make a film with my eyes folded!

Let them have a go at weekly rep, where for a summer season, there were around ten of us to do everything… acting, directing, set design, construction and painting, props, costumes, publicity, the accounts… and we had just a week from opening the script to opening night. That don’t half concentrate the mind!

IN TENNIS, LOVE MEANS NOTHING!

Over the last couple of days, I have been chasing up payments for reading copies of my scripts, sent out to amateur societies. Despite my informing all of them twice, in writing, of the conditions under which I send out reading copies, a large percentage either don’t read the information, or they simply ignore it. Maybe they think it’s clever to avoid paying by being dishonest. Expletive deleted!

In the process, I came across a Local Drama Association’s review of an amateur production of ‘Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs’. The report had been written by two of the Association’s representatives who presumably, had attended the show… and here’s me thinking it was only the BBC using two people to do a job that could be done by one!

The reviewers were obviously enamoured with what they saw. Here are some (genuine) quotes, extracted from the report…

“We loved the exploding vacuum cleaner…”

“… we loved the breakfast setting...”

“We loved the Dwarfs’ outfits which were very colourful and fun.”

“…we loved the ink-pot on Scribbles hat…”

“We loved the breakfast scene which was very natural…”

“This was a lovely traditional Snow White who was very believable and we loved her rapport with the Dwarfs.”

“We loved her outrageous outfits and wig.”

“Good singing voice and we loved the mirror duet with Snow White.”

“We loved this performance which never missed a beat.”

“...we loved his eccentric costume which suited the part perfectly.”

“We loved each and every one (the dwarfs) and must congratulate them for keeping in character throughout.”

In addition, two aspects were “loveable", and five were “lovely”!

Who says love is blind?

To be fair, there was one bit that the duo didn’t exactly have a crush on…

“There was a great rapport between Snow White and the Dwarfs which was charming. We loved the breakfast scene which was very natural and worked extremely well. It was a pity that Snow White didn’t die in front of the table as it was rather difficult to see the sadness of the dwarfs and we also lost a few lines because they were set so far back.”

Yeah! A pity Snow was screened when she snuffed it!

Reminds me of that song… “ Nobody Does It Like me“… If there’s a wrong way to do it!

Although of course, in his excellent book, ‘The Art Of Coarse Acting’, (If you haven’t read it, shame on you!) Michael Green does advise the aspiring body to “die behind something and then have a good sleep”, as there is “always the danger of heavy breathing, or even a sneeze, apart from the strain of having to lie still.”

CLASS ACT #9

Here’s a connection with “Nobody Does It Like Me”, mentioned above. It was written by Cy Coleman and Dorothy Fields.  In 1964, Coleman met lyricist Dorothy Fields at a party, and when he asked if she would like to collaborate with him, she is reported to have answered, "Thank God somebody asked." Their first project was the musical, ‘Sweet Charity’, which premiered on Broadway in 1966, choregraphed by Bob Fosse, and starring his wife, Gwen Verdon. The show was adapted for the screen in 1969, with Shirley MacLaine as Charity.

I first saw Shirley MacLaine around 1956, in her second film, the Paramount Studios production, ‘Artists And Models', which starred Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis. I was immediately taken with her pixie-like quality.

In the film, Rick Todd (Dean Martin) is a struggling artist who shares an apartment with his best friend, Eugene Fullstack (Jerry Lewis), a would-be writer of children's books. Eugene is obsessed with pulp fiction comic books, particularly ‘The Bat Lady’, and has nightmares because of that. However, Rick soon finds that those nightmares could be excellent material for his own comic books.

A successful artist moves into the building. She is comic book illustrator, Abigail Parker (Dorothy Malone) and her roommate is artist’s model, Bessie Sparrowbush (Shirley MacLaine), who poses as Bat Lady.

That’s all you need to know really. If you haven’t got the hang of it you’ll have to see the whole film.

This short clip gives you four class acts, Jerry Lewis, Dean Martin, Shirley MacLaine, and the delicious Dorothy Malone.

Dean Martin died in 1995, Jerry Lewis is still around at the age of 85, despite having had just about every illness known to man. Shirley MacLaine is aged 77 and still making films. Dorothy Malone is in her 86^th year, retired and living in Dallas.

Jerry Lewis is another great physical comedian... in my humble opinion, of course!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY… OR ANY OTHER DAY

This morning, I took my grandson along to the open day at the professional football club we support. That’s Association Football, not any other kind!

We were allowed to wander around behind the scenes. On the walls of the corridors near the changing rooms, there was a selection of large pictures recording action from some of the games, overprinted with what might be described as inspirational quotes.

One of the quotes was I considered, not only relevant to sport, but also to activities of a thespian nature.

Unfortunately, I didn’t write it down, but it was something along the lines of… “Success is not being better than someone else, it's being better than you were yesterday.”

Take heed those of you for whom acting is an ego trip. This is why we rehearse.

Here endeth the lesson!                                    

AND THERE’S MORE...

Following hard on the heels… or maybe that should be the Cuban heels… of ‘Yankee Doodle’ – A Wild West Panto’, G. Wizz’s latest full-length pantomime... I can now announce that there’s a pint-sized panto on offer.

My grandson’s school asked if I could write them a version of ‘Dick Whittington’ that would last around an hour, and I duly obliged.

Initially, my plan was to condense the full-length script I have written, but when I though seriously about it, I realised that I might end up with a dog’s breakfast… something that was neither fish, fowl, or good red herring! Also, I didn’t like the idea of using the same material in different scripts. So… I started from scratch.

Though I says it that shouldn’t, whichever way your funny bone works, I reckon I have assembled a notable collection of smiles, grins and chuckles for your enjoyment… but then what do I know?

The resulting short and sweet script would obviously be suitable for school use. The staging, costumes, songs and dances are all quite easy to achieve, and there are lots of opportunities for a good number of people to get involved.

Adults might like to try it as well, since it’s guaranteed to be almost as much fun as a three- legged skating race, and should appeal to people of all ages… from five to quarter past six.

CLASS ACT #8

The duo is Red and Struggie, strutting their stuff in the Vitaphone short, ‘Don Redman & His Orchestra’, made in 1934.

They were a 1930s nightclub act and, this short subject, a brief appearance in the 1936 Vitaphone reel ‘Red Nichols & His World Famous Five Pennies’, for the ‘Troublesome Trumpet’ number, and a few fleeting steps at the end of the Cab Calloway sequence for ‘Just Wanna Make Rhythm’ in the Biograph Studios’ ‘Manhattan Merry-Go-Round ‘(1937), are currently the only chances to see these guys.

Someone on t’Intenet claims, “… the short man is my great uncle walter scruggs…” I presume he means Walter Scruggs.  

Someone else states that their claim to fame in the history of dance comes from their origination in 1935 of the popular dance, ‘The Truck’.

I couldn't find any reference to 'The Truck', but on the streetswing.com website, they state, Some historians have traced the ‘Truckin' Dance’ way back to the old Minstrel Shows of the 1830's in Louisville, Kentucky.

The 'Joe Louis Truck' was reported to be a new dance in the 1930's, when the ‘Amsterdam News’ reportedly said that Don Redman's Orchestra created a new dance called the ‘Joe Louis Truck’. However Don Redman says when he first saw the newspaper clipping he knew nothing about the song or the dance, so he wrote one, which he says was “before the "Truckin' dance became popular." He also says "nothing became of the song."

Apart from these brief mentions, the rest is silence!

Aren’t they loose? I love the outfits, the great band, and the scat singing... but then I was spoon-fed jazz from an early age.

“Nagasaki” dates from 1928, and was the work of Tin Pan Alley stalwarts Harry Warren and Mort Dixon. The song was covered by the Benny Goodman Quartet, Fats Waller, Fletcher Henderson, Cab Calloway, Django Reinhardt, Stéphane Grappelli, Chet Atkins, and many others.

One of the verses includes the following:

“They sit you upon the floor
No wonder your pants get sore
Back in Nagasaki
Where the fellers chew tobaccy
And the women wicky-wacky
Woo.”

Yowsah! Yowsah! Yowsah!

PROPER PROPS

A theatrical property, commonly referred to as a prop, is an object used on stage by actors. Smaller props are referred to as "hand props". Larger props may also be set decoration, such as a chair or table. The difference between a set decoration and a prop is use. If the item is not touched by a performer for any reason it is simply a set decoration. If it is touched by the actor in accordance with script requirements, or as deemed by the director, it is a prop.

In pantomime hand props should, wherever possible, be big, bold, bright, colourful, and very visual. But then of course, you all know that, don’t you? Apparently not!

In my version of ‘Robinson Crusoe’ there is a scene where the Dame, her son, Billy, and Mayor Perkins, are trying to build a boat to escape from the desert island on which they have been shipwrecked.

It involves them putting ‘glue’ on a ‘plank’, and includes comedy business with the plank being swung around etc, and the ‘glue’, which I recommend is ‘custard pie’ foam, either hand-mixed or from a spray can, being slapped on people with a brush. Water could be funny, but it is not as visual as foam, unless a large quantity is sloshed around, which then presents the problem of having to clean up quite a mess.

I went along to see the initial production and lo and behold, the supposedly experienced company didn’t know that in pantomime, hand props should, wherever possible be big, bold, bright, colourful, and very visual.

The ‘plank’ was obviously a spare bit of wood from someone’s workshop, about 4 ins. (10 cms.) wide by some 5 ft. (150 cms.) long. The bucket containing the ‘glue’ was what you might call pint size. Some kind person had obviously given them an empty, 1kg. plastic tub, that at one time probably contained DIY adhesive. The brush was 3ins (7.5 cms.). wide.

The plank should have been at least 10 feet (300 cms.) long, and 9 inches (23 cms.) wide. It could have be made from a thin frame covered in painted hardboard or paper, so that it was easy to carry and manoeuvrable, but didn’t deliver too much of a punch when it hit people.

I’ll never understand metric, if I live to be a gross!

The bucket should be a full-size one, with the words ‘STICKY STUFF’ painted on it in large letters. The brush should be a large paste brush.

It goes without saying… so why do people need to be told?

peacheykeene.com have some fun clown props.

CLASS ACT # 7

Are these guys funny, or are they funny?

You can bet your sweet tooth that they have rehearsed this routine.